But imagine that 21 year old on medication, drunk, chemically unstable and at the wrong place at the wrong time. Needless to say my number is high but I've always been safe and never gotten any diseases. Nor have I been pregnant although I've had a few scares. Thank God my stupidity never reached a higher level. My point is, sex was never something I truly enjoyed. It was just a need mixed with reckless behavior caused by my illness. I could have sex without any feelings involved whatsoever. That's why one night stands suited me perfectly: no strings and no one got hurt. Hypersexuality is not something that is often spoken about. It's something dirty, something people tend to be ashamed of. I did too until I realized it was a part of the disease not a part of who I am as a person. My behavior has changed with medication, a change of scenery, different friends and better self confidence.
Still to this day I struggle a bit with intimacy. Sex still doesn't mean much to me. Cuddling on the other hand does. I think that's far more intimate than taking my clothes off will ever be.
Thank you for reading. Will blog more soon.
- P <3