Saturday, December 28, 2013

Story time

I thought I'd share a short story I wrote a while ago which is part fiction and part auto-biographical. I'll let you try and figure out which parts are what. 
Thanks for reading. 

"The Phone Call" 

   I'm sitting at the table with tears streaming down my face. The teardrops roll down my face and neck ruining my favorite shirt. 
   My vision is blurry as my eyes are overcome with drops of emotion and with my right hand I knead my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. 
   I know my mascara has run. So much for waterproof make-up. I guess the manufacturer didn't consider hysterical women in their pitch meeting. 
   The phone is lying next to me but I can't muster the courage to pick it up. Next to the phone is a slip of paper with a number I know I can trust. I just can't trust myself yet. 
    I'm still bleeding. It doesn't hurt anymore though. There's just a dull throb. I numbed it with ice prior to the blood so the pain would subside rapidly. I don't know if it's working this time. 
    My heartbeat throbs in the same steady beat as the dullness in my extremity. It's starting to turn purple. Bruising. 
    My eyes have emptied now. The tears have stopped. My eyes are suddenly Sahara dry. I look over at the phone again, pick it up and dial the number. 
    At the "Hello" at the other end, my throat closes up and I manage to mumble an apology before I hang up. I'm not ready. I thought I was ready. I just need a minute. Like all the other minutes I've needed all the other times before. 
     I head into the bathroom, turn the faucet on and splash my face with water. I wash the blood off. The sting of the water hurts more than the act itself. My eyes almost tear up again but I grit my teeth.
      I bandage myself up and head back into the kitchen. My cat wags his tail at me. I give him some kibble and sit down at the table. I pick up the phone and hear the dial. 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Oh my...

Now, I'm not trying to plagiarize George Takei here but the headline seems fitting for the subject at hand. 

You see, I've developed feelings for someone I know who, with a 100% certainty, doesn't reciprocate my feelings. In fact, I know that if he was on fire and I held the fire extinguisher he would rather drop and roll. 
What is it with the human condition that makes us masochists sometimes? I've tried going on dates with other men to get him out of my head but for now he's stuck. 

I'm pathetic I know but I honestly can't help it. I think I finally know what it feels like to have a broken heart. 


I'm back!

I'm terribly sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth like that.
The truth is that my mom found my blog and in a knee jerk reaction I deleted it. No one wants their parent to suddenly have a complete unadulterated insight into their life. 
This blog was supposed to be for me and your eyes only - not for anyone I personally know. That would make it too personal and defeat the purpose, hence the reason I panicked and deleted it in the first place. 
I decided to put it back online because I've missed writing and I think the dust has settled. If I disappear again, you'll know why but I doubt I will. 
I have tons to talk about so please bare with me and thanks for coming back to me. It's as always, much appreciated.