Catfished!!!

From the Urban Dictionary: Catfished -

Fooled, hoaxed, pranked.

I had a date with someone I met on eHarmony. We chatted online for about a week. Exchanged emails after a few day and then phone numbers a day after that. Because he said he was military with a base one place but a home somewhere else I agreed to meet him in the city he called home - even though that was a 2.5 hour train journey for myself. 

   The reason for my journey up there and no halfway meeting point was because he said he would be driving 350 miles the evening prior and could I please indulge him this time as he would visit me next time. I got to my final destination and texted him to let him know my phone was dying. 

   He said to wait outside a coffee shop at the station. I did for 2 hours. I waited and phoned him using a payphone (felt very 90s at that moment), emailed him using the station's WiFi and even paid a girl to send a text message from her phone.

    I got one reply to my five emails saying "What were you wearing? I didn't see you." Realizing he had stood me up, I went to the nearest coffeehouse to drown my sorrows till the next train an hour later. I sent my catfish an angry yet very restrained email which I knew was sure to make him feel bad. Got on the train and tried to fall asleep for the journey home - to no avail of course. 

   I'd left home at 9 that morning and here I was back were I'd started at 6.15 pm. I felt like such a fool. I'd never been stood up before either. When I plugged my phone in I had two messages. The first one was him saying there was something wrong with his phone so that's why he couldn't answer or email when I contacted him. I knew that was bullshit. 

   The second message, clocked in an hour later, said it was a lie and he was sorry. He was there, saw me and instantly realized he was still in love with his ex so he ran and left me in a strange city instead of being a man and at least giving me the courtesy of coffee before the next train home. 

   His story was that he was a soldier. Pictures seemed to verify it but it could have been somebody else's photos. The station was tiny. And I didn't see him a anywhere. And I was looking hard. And no real soldier would have a problem facing a situation like this head on. If they did they would need an evaluation from their commander.

    A red flag that gave me a gut feeling is that he didn't want to talk on the phone before we met. Avoided it. Finally phoned when I was on my way already. But I spoke to him once in a week. Not okay. But lesson learned. Lost £55 for train tickets and another £10 for food. But at least he didn't take my spirit.

Love,

P

UT ouch!

Ever had a urinary tract infection? It bloody hurts. I've now been plagued with it for almost a month. Today I got my 4th bout of antibiotics and strong painkillers. I'm really hoping that all it is, is a stubborn infection. Read a little about Interstitial Cystitis and I'm praying that's not the underlying cause as I'm not sure how much more I can handle. The pain is excruciating and it feels like I'm on fire.. One of the ways to prevent a UTI is to drink tons of cranberry juice. 

I've been drinking so much juice I feel like I'm about to turn red. Needless to say, it's not working.

Fingers crossed for 4th time being the charm x

Love,

P

Happy 2014 and starting anew!

Happy New Year! I hope yours was lovely however you chose to spend it. I usually spend mine at home with the dogs playing dogsitter but this year I had a date. A date with someone who started off being a friend. Whether it leads to something is yet to be seen but I'm frankly not too concerned. I'm more thrilled about the fact that I had a dog free evening during the holiday's :) Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs but they are exhausting sometimes. Welllll, to be fair I actually brought the tiny one along as a chaperone. Couldn't leave my mom with two dogs barking at the sparklies so I grabbed the one that causes little to no stress and off we went. I think she might have had more fun than me :P

It's only a few days into 2014 and I've already gotten some heavy weights lifted off of my chest. The reprocussions may come as they please, I stand strong and righteous. I've also turned new leaves in terms of personal growth. No more sitting around. I'm finally going to start taking charge of what I want (without hurting anyone of course).

So bring it on 2014! I'm ready for you! For the good, the bad and everything in between.

Love,

P

Story time

I thought I'd share a short story I wrote a while ago which is part fiction and part auto-biographical. I'll let you try and figure out which parts are what. 

Thanks for reading. 

Love,

P

"The Phone Call" 

   I'm sitting at the table with tears streaming down my face. The teardrops roll down my face and neck ruining my favorite shirt. 

   My vision is blurry as my eyes are overcome with drops of emotion and with my right hand I knead my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. 

   I know my mascara has run. So much for waterproof make-up. I guess the manufacturer didn't consider hysterical women in their pitch meeting. 

   The phone is lying next to me but I can't muster the courage to pick it up. Next to the phone is a slip of paper with a number I know I can trust. I just can't trust myself yet. 

    I'm still bleeding. It doesn't hurt anymore though. There's just a dull throb. I numbed it with ice prior to the blood so the pain would subside rapidly. I don't know if it's working this time. 

    My heartbeat throbs in the same steady beat as the dullness in my extremity. It's starting to turn purple. Bruising. 

    My eyes have emptied now. The tears have stopped. My eyes are suddenly Sahara dry. I look over at the phone again, pick it up and dial the number. 

    At the "Hello" at the other end, my throat closes up and I manage to mumble an apology before I hang up. I'm not ready. I thought I was ready. I just need a minute. Like all the other minutes I've needed all the other times before. 

     I head into the bathroom, turn the faucet on and splash my face with water. I wash the blood off. The sting of the water hurts more than the act itself. My eyes almost tear up again but I grit my teeth.

      I bandage myself up and head back into the kitchen. My cat wags his tail at me. I give him some kibble and sit down at the table. I pick up the phone and hear the dial. 

Oh my...

Now, I'm not trying to plagiarize George Takei here but the headline seems fitting for the subject at hand. 

You see, I've developed feelings for someone I know who, with a 100% certainty, doesn't reciprocate my feelings. In fact, I know that if he was on fire and I held the fire extinguisher he would rather drop and roll. 

What is it with the human condition that makes us masochists sometimes? I've tried going on dates with other men to get him out of my head but for now he's stuck. 

I'm pathetic I know but I honestly can't help it. I think I finally know what it feels like to have a broken heart. 

Ouch..

Love,

P

I'm back!

I'm terribly sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth like that.

The truth is that my mom found my blog and in a knee jerk reaction I deleted it. No one wants their parent to suddenly have a complete unadulterated insight into their life. 

This blog was supposed to be for me and your eyes only - not for anyone I personally know. That would make it too personal and defeat the purpose, hence the reason I panicked and deleted it in the first place. 

I decided to put it back online because I've missed writing and I think the dust has settled. If I disappear again, you'll know why but I doubt I will. 

I have tons to talk about so please bare with me and thanks for coming back to me. It's as always, much appreciated.  

Love,

P

Back on the wagon!

The dating wagon that is. 

I promised myself that after I'd gotten a stable and promising job (and I felt balanced within myself) I would begin to date again. And as I've been speaking to a lot of my friends lately I've felt very encouraged to get back out there again. The mistake of the past few weeks was just that - a mistake. We all make them. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. All we can do is learn from them and move on. Some learn faster than others. I'm over it and ready to start anew but this time I plan on taking things very slowly and not rush into things. My mistake a few weeks ago was trusting someone because they weren't a stranger. Turns out strangers aren't the only ones who keep candy. 

Funny thing is, I'm actually not looking for a relationship or a casual fling. I guess I'm just looking for some companionship (Jesus, that makes me sound so old..) I just want someone to hold my hand once in a while or give me a hug or put their arms around me on the couch. Someone to warm me on a cold night. 

The difficult part is of course weeding out the good apples from the bad. I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character but once you're in deep it can be hard to see beyond your own wants and wishes. 

So here goes nothing and I'm out there for all to see. Luckily there a "block" button for the creepy ones and the like. 

Oh, there's a message now. Better go check my inbox. Wish me luck. 

P.